Log in

No account? Create an account
nonchalant life of a... [entries|friends|calendar]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]


Jilat ketiak sendiri [09 Jul 2009|04:52am]
Closure was never met and it seems like as if there's some more things i should hear aka discuss before moving an inch closer to be labelled as a fucking stupid whore who "supposedly" hurt you


[15 May 2008|11:28am]
so fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
and all we've been through
i said leave it, leave it, leave it
it's nothing to you
and if you hate me, hate me, hate me
then hate me so good that you can let me out
let me out of this hell when you're around

- rootless tree -


[14 May 2008|01:00pm]
I'm not worthy...the lines are thinning and my blood is tainted.


[13 May 2008|12:11pm]
It's nice to hear you say "Hello,"
"How are things with you?"
"I love you."

But very soon it's time to go.
An office job to do,
And I'll be writing songs for you.

It's nice to hear your voice again.
I've waited all day long,
Even wrote a song for you.

It's strange the way you make me feel,
With just a word or two.
I'd like to do the same for you.

Strange how a phone call can change your day,
Take you away.
Away from the feeling of being alone,
That's the telephone.

Making days longer - RJD2


[13 May 2008|12:13am]
The trip took me too far, i landed hard and it went too deep underground. I'm just left with nothing else that matters and i just started crying.


[12 May 2008|03:35pm]
I'm afraid to sleep in these thoughts...


[10 May 2008|10:53am]
don't think you're alive. Dig and bury.


[07 May 2008|03:11am]
Your constant whines negates humility without a doubt. You rendered me speechless as all i wanna say is fuck you and fuck off!


[03 Apr 2008|08:25pm]
I'm suddenly shuddering, my head hurts and its been aching for days. Can't be sure whats with it but if a tumor is growing, it might come as a good news. I'm in a constant lost of coordination and sometimes memory, thus dazing and feeling rather unstable. Definite gonner this one.

One thing on my mind tho tells me i should just forget about it and leave it to mend its own hell-hole. Jesus, i mean how can you blame it on the way your nature is and use it as an emotional blackmail to seek my apologies. God forbid but if I've ever hurt you emotionally even physically, i would've already been hurting my own soul. Just too bad this time isn't it, I'm in the wronged place and i shall just sit in my fucking box awaiting its new delivery to a god damn new day!Being verbally quiet is one thing but being suppressive can't be the definite reason why i should fall as your object to point fingers at. I can be suppressive as well, but i know when to and when not to and especially if it applies. However I don't think I'm in the position to mother your steps, just be on your own damn foot and be a man!

Pick apart
The pieces of your heart
And let me peer inside
Let me in
Where only your thoughts have been
Let me occupy your mind
As you do mine

You have lost
(Too much love)
To fear, doubt and distrust
(It’s not enough)
You just threw away the key
(To your heart)

You don’t get burned
(’Cause nothing gets through)
It makes it easier
(Easier on you)
But that much more difficult for me
To make you see…

Love ain’t fair
So there you are
My love

Your heart’s a mess
You won’t admit to it
It makes no sense
But I’m desperate to connect
And you, you can’t live like this

Your heart’s a mess
You won’t admit to it
It makes no sense
But I’m desperate to connect
And you, you can’t live like this

Your heart’s a mess
You won’t admit to it
It makes no sense
But I’m desperate to connect
And you, you can’t live like this

Love ain’t safe
You won’t get hurt if you stay chaste
So you can wait
But I don’t wanna waste my love


[03 Apr 2008|01:21am]
as of now, my mind is filled and i can barely breathe smoothly.

one should watch, Death At A Funeral; just because its so witty and smart and funny


[01 Apr 2008|05:52pm]
i just think i need to unclog and move along...time for an intervention of a god-knows whats gonna happen next..keep walking and you shall find as you seek.

And so, one shall hide and the other shall seek


[22 Jan 2008|11:45am]
1 John 3:11

This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another.


adjustment calls [22 Jan 2008|10:44am]
I wonder how to make some amendments? How to even try making them...then i wondered too far. At this very second..

The heaviness of my heart has just reached its paramount, and the apparentness shows my weaknesses thus rendering a color of silence, a bellowing concrete thought, ever so fragile and soft. I'll need to make these adjustment calls a natural progression and a habitation that I'll live comfortably sans the complaining and whines. I don't know why but this one makes a hell of a bunch of goodness, drenching me blissfully. Not too easy to forget neither too easy to get used without...i enjoy the perfect line of smooth cocaine as i lead my eyes and in coordination, this, i love, i die for, i crave..


drug:music? [05 Jan 2008|01:25pm]


[05 Jan 2008|11:34am]
I feel like i was part of a tick and choose, i consider a withdrawal would do a better chance.

2 days felt like many years, its fast and its saddening.

we don't have a lot to go on
but that's not how it lives in my head
no, not at all
blind times
thought we were matching weight
we pulled
sometimes it was you and sometimes it was me
but where are we
you say "don't take it all so hard for now
there's so much space
and there will always be later for that"

Trespassers William - Matching Weights


Shooting water up one's nostrils [30 Dec 2007|03:49am]
[ mood | amused ]

Sing along songs and to-the-wall pushes, fabric-feelin', burns, probable friction creates facial hair burns. Je taime, je taime, ahhh oui je taime! Avec toi, quand je marche, je marche. Quand je dors, je dors. Quand je chante, je chante. Hearts beating anomaly to a tune, like a ringing can dragging on the roadside; was held in a pondering-stare, almost quite idly at some point, i even forgot that my cravings for nourishment has lost his interest in making any, yet a little endeavour for crumbs and finished edible crafts. Weightless and sugar free, i feel like there's much to face when vertigo arrives and fuck you up in the ass like never before; woah you won't even want to forgive yourself no more. Cuts and bruises kills the appetite, and pushing limits of gland production of acidic compound to create more abuse and slowly, i die of an ill fated cause; die with a mouth less fed disease. This is a pointless rant! It is so pointless, i have to seek for forgiveness. one must not ever ever "touch" virgin olive oil...She's a fucking nun you fuck head!

Part of me confesses; there must be a comfort zone to set this up, there must be an upgrade. And an upgrade is what it needs. But only in due time, coz it ain't that easy and smooth baby, it ain't. I understand, i will always do even if i tried, i'll try it again.

Young and Sexy,
Boss Martians
**made a hell of sense there!

Still, i am in deep apologetic mood to say, the under tongue needed some lovin', it was loved, went out of control and simply decided that there's only one thing it wished for; Pain 4 Pleasure. I say, awwww poor tongue. I wish to see you heal so fast, me eyes goes blind! Me go bonkers me tell you!

Apparently a method to clear one's nose is to pour warm salt water from a contraption, although not quite mechanical; into one of the nostril and tilt the head to a certain degrees and wait for the water to come out from the other side. Its beneficial to the point of breaking nuisances and making medical science look stupid. So, i shot water up my nostrils, and it came out from the other side...

I'm in a mosquito farm, they breed here. They prey on skins and well thank god i washed off my pheromones already, otherwise tough luck.

I am trying to understand, trying to understand, how the time fades away; yes i'm trying to understand, you're heavy metal, you're heavy metal. (lorna)

I saw jesus hid under the blanket, i miss miss miss jesus!


i repetitively repeat myself [28 Dec 2007|11:30pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

Hey! Hey! hey! hey! HEy! Hey~! Hey hey! Hey! hey hey~! Hey hey hey~! Hey hey hey hey heyyyyyy~! hey hey~! HEY HEY HEY!~ Jesus!~ Christ~!

I would like to just lie there in that position and in that entanglements of limbs and muscles, all that postures makes me think of a contortions. Its not that sick, i remember; i mean i know...And i noticed, New York is the best place to redeem yourself, a place where one finds forgiveness, yet its tremendous. To locate the hiding spot for all sorts of hinderances and random tandems that had made no absolute meaning. Life's great! i go whisper to mr ears, i will put that into my to-dos.

I can't seem to locate when it was? I must be clueless, that's shite! I mean, it was a chance of a lifetime, to change lenses and focus...

ahhh god i need more of those green shit to make me think and go on...i can't fuckin focus! focus locus!

Biological explanations are needed to further this discussion.. really i'm serious


Wowza! thats a whole lot of fuckeries! [26 Nov 2007|04:07am]
The landing path of true amazements with toggling through leads and in piecing together unwilling events and compelling emotions like a never ending sentence, and fuck. That was tough....everything is tougher than before, tough gets tougher..tough tough tough

Shall i think less on this one, this one time i felt like writing and doodling it all down on a piece of rock and throw it into the pits of my stale heart; swallow, that was more like it. Can't imagine, couldn't...took too many devils to dictate, one single moment went almost too outrages then the next minute a new disposition forces itself into a greater frame of things far beyond understanding. Its so susceptible, dammit!

Newer things being replaced, newer gets older, and it goes like a progression, a natural one, moving on, moving right on!

Then those moments of a yellow submarine submerging into greater minds out of space, like woahhh....i sweat, in chill, i felt like bleeding on my bed. Its either i look and see the yellowish and blueish lights just fucking glow on my forehead, and i just follow, letting my pupils run like wild centipede, dilated, almost too huge for a normal person...focusssssssssss

Wowwwwww....little bushes of fire and that complementing dark brown color yet almost soooo god damn realistic, Jesus mutha fucking christ! it sounded like as if i was talking to some tv spokesperson


It all happened in the balcony [03 Aug 2007|01:15am]

I just love smoking, i can't help it, each day, each time, everytime and now and then


[03 Aug 2007|01:03am]

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]